. . . by DvH design
"Holy Cravat!" gasped Anaethesia, "That's just overwhelming....breathtaking...!!!"
"And all for you Anaethesia," growled Chris Blimey, charismatic, damaged and dangerous - the sort of Top Designer that knows his way around columns...a guy who put syncopation in his presentations.
Anaethesia's Inner Goddess did a mental pole dance, before putting her back out and having to be helped to the divine pearl grey divan.
Yes, it was truly the biggest display of neck vanity Anaethesia had ever seen.
"And now", said Chris Blimey, "I am going to take you to the Taupe Room of Pain..."
"Oh no, not the client counseling room," groaned AnagoshthisnameistoolongcanIjustcallherNasty?, her Inner Goddess revolting gently and lighting up a fag.
"Yes," was Chris' masterful reply. "And there you will do something you have never done before…you will advise clients to choose from the 50 Shades of Grey...yes, suffer! Can I help it, that I have this tremendous Semi-Gloss Appeal?"
Yep, daahlings, almost everyone I encounter has read or is reading Those Books. Except me, I must be getting on a bit. I am resisting, out of sheer contrariness...I just enjoy reading reviews and listening to women discussing them:
"I was up to 4 am reading it."
"Some of those things are just not physically possible."
"I told my husband I was off to bed to read it - when he joined me ever hopeful, I was fast asleep with my reading glasses on."
"Ms Edna, sorry but you can't stand here with us, you have to go stand over there with the other people who have not read it; yes, your client, oh, wait a minute, he's read it now too... oh my, Utah will never be the same."
I even spotted an updated Facebook page with "It's all coming to an end with Mr Grey."
And when I looked at Grain de Musc the perfume blog of Denyse Beaulieu, I found that she is currently working on the French translation of 50 Shades ....it's everywhere!
I suspect my refusal to join the Greyfest is largely motivated by jealousy - I wish I had penned a bestseller.
Alas, my designer’s porn* is going to be less erotic and more idiotic. ...
"I want you now, here, on the escalator," demanded Chris urgently.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, there is just something about escalators."
"No, I mean, don't you mean "elevator" not "escalator"?" queried Anaethesia, breathlessly, "We don't want to get anything caught in the moving parts and the other shoppers might not like it…"
"You bourgeois fool you," blazed Chris, as they arrived at the second floor of the PDC.
*50 Strike-Offs Of Grey
Designer At ... Large
The Perfected Grey